Three months ago, you wouldn't have recognized me. I was on top of the world.
I had just returned home from an adventure of a lifetime, which essentially consisted of bumming around Latin America riding motorcycles through cocaine-laden drug lord towns, lounging in hammocks on secluded white sand beaches at sunset with a tropical umbrella drink in hand, and partying nightly until the sun came up. Rough life, I know. While on my trip, I received word that I had been accepted to every journalism program that I had applied to over in England prior to departing on my journey. Also while on my trip, I briefly met up with an irresistible latin boy that I had been hardcore crushing on for months, during which he passionately professed his undying love to a giddy me. Upon my return, summer was just beginning in my hometown of sunny San Diego, and my days consisted of cruising around in my adorable white vintage BMW to meet up with friends after a day of lifeguarding (aka pretending to watch the pool while getting a tan) at a laid-back country club. Yes ladies, life felt as bright and promising as the warm Southern California sun. I felt invincible, as though I already had it made, as though nothing could have broken my spirit or wiped off the perpetual grin I had on my face. How wrong I was.
Little did I know that within a month I would lose everything.
One otherwise insignificant day, I was involved in a very minor three car fender bender while rolling along in afternoon traffic at 10 mph in which the other two cars involved received nothing more than a few barely-noticeable scratches, while my adorable little beamer, being older and apparently made out of a bendable as opposed to a collapsable material like newer cars, was completely jacked and hence deemed unsalvageable by my insurance company. Bye car. A few weeks later, I found out through the grapevine that my irresistible latin love interest had a girlfriend. It gets better: He was coming to San Diego, but not to see me, but rather to visit his new girl, who just so happened to live in my same city. Talk about cutting someone open then rubbing salt and squeezing lime juice into their gaping wound. Bye boy. Soon thereafter, I was on the phone notifying my grad program in England that I was going to be unable to attend due to a family emergency. My father had suddenly fallen extremely ill, and I watched as the paramedics whisked him away, taking with them my dreams of being the modern-day (and female) Ernest Hemingway, spending my days in posh European sidewalk cafes sipping wine and writing novels.
It's crazy, this thing called life. They really weren't kidding when they said it can change on a dime. Although my 'losses' may seem completely trivial to some, especially to those who have had to deal with things far more devastating than I, they were nonetheless important to me, and I found myself completely and utterly lost...
I wished for some type of guidebook to life that would provide me with the concrete solutions to my all many unanswered questions: How to be there for my family in a time of crisis, how to deal with unyielding claims adjustors, how to just fix my damn car myself, how to win that a-hole that screwed me over back, or better yet, how to kill him and make it look like an accident (I kid, I kid...kind of....haha). And while we're at it, how about how to pull off leather leggings or apply liquid eyeliner without it smudging all over the place...Yes, I am chock full of random inquiries, as I suspect many other young women out there are as well, which is why I decided to create this 'how-to,' girls-only blog. It is meant to be a safe haven to ask any question at all, and will be strictly by us, for us-- a sanctuary of sorts for your unabashed quandaries, all located in one convenient place in cyberspace.
So come one, come all with your questions. I am also looking for contributors to volunteer their expertise in areas that I am admittedly clueless about. The various categories will include yet not be limited to the following: fashion, beauty, health, relationships, travel, domestic (i.e. recipes, feng shui, etc.), employment (i.e. how to make a kick ass resume, job search tips, women's rights in the workplace, etc.), as well as a general 'life' category (i.e. how to tune a guitar, apply for a loan, or drive a stick shift). I want this blog to be as interactive as possible so write me, write me, write me!
To start, I thought it appropriate to kick off the blog with a 'how-to' of how to stay positive even in the midst of adversity, which seems to be where many of us have been finding ourselves lately...It may be somewhat trite, but I nonetheless find it somehow comforting...
Here's how:
1. Reach out to the people you love & trust the most. Whether it's your bff, a family member, or a mentor or spiritual guidance counselor, talk to someone! Having to hold in what you're experiencing is on par with swallowing poison and hoping it won't kill you. Having someone to vent to, a shoulder to cry on, or simply a calorie fest partner to partake in Ben & Jerry runs with you allows you to express and release what you're feeling in a healthy way. If you honestly don't have anyone you feel like you can talk to, start keeping a journal in which you pour out what you're feeling, even if that means just writing F*CK a thousand times over and over. There is something inexplicably therapeutic about putting your thoughts down on paper, as if you've transferred all your negativity from you to the page.
2. Take a break. I know I know, the show must go on as they say, but it will be cancelled for good if you don't allow yourself time to even catch your breath after you've just been pounded by one tidal wave after another. Getting away for a weekend or just heading somewhere close by where you can relax for a little by taking a walk on the beach at sunset or treating yourself to a massage will help you clear your head, making you feel re-energized and better prepared to take on challenges.
3. Then stop feeling sorry for yourself and get motivated. Give your pity party a time limit. Allow yourself one week to be a total emotional, binge-eating/drinking, chain-smoking, Friends re-run watching, sloptastic train wreck, but after that you have got to pick yourself up, get yourself together, and get on with your life- or it will get on without you.
4. Have perspective. As the old proverb states, I complained about having no shoes until I met the man with no feet. No matter how dire your situation seems, I promise it could always be worse. I live just 20 minutes from Tijuana, Mexico where starving orphan kids run around naked and live in cardboard boxes, and whenever I'm feeling bummed out, I realize I seriously have no right to complain. Anytime you feel bad about your own drama, just remember that you have clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and more food than you even know what to do with- basic luxuries about a shocking 2/3 of the world goes without.
5. View hardship as a positive thing. View your difficulties as the necessary shove you need to make a breakthrough. As our grandpas would say any time things would go wrong, "It builds character!" So start training for that 10k, re-arrange all your furniture, or finally learn how to play the piano like you've always been meaning to. Start by setting small, reasonable goals for yourself such as going to the gym two times a week, then build from there. Just remember, "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill.
6. Create hope. Just remember that night is always darkest right before the dawn. Realize your situation is temporary, and that time truly is capable of healing all things. You may not look back one day at your situation and laugh necessarily, as the old saying goes, but you may look back and remember how this time helped you grow into the stronger person you are today. As self-help writer Guy Finley put it, "Discouragement is a negative emotion with more than one trick up its dark sleeve. It tricks you into mentally or emotionally dwelling in the very place you want to leave. Drop all such sorrow permanently by daring to see through this deception of the unconscious mind. You have a destination far beyond where you find yourself standing today."
1. Listen to music. Music has a powerful effect on our psyches, and listening to relaxing tunes with a positive message is capable of immediately brightening even the worst mood.
2. Eat well. Believe it not, different foods also effect your emotions. Ditch fast food and caffeine, which will make you feel even more sluggish and depressed, and exchange them for fresh foods and natural drinks. You'll thank us later when you feel amazing.
3. Exercise. As much as you may resist the gym, or any form of physical activity for that matter, sweat it out. Whether it's a five mile hike or a just a walk around your neighborhood, not only will you release negative energy and stress, but your body will also release endorphins, our natural feel-good hormone.
4. Meditate. Learning how to relax your body and mind is proven to help combat stress, improve physical health, make you sleep better, and feel happier and more at peace with yourself. For more info regarding how to properly meditate visit http://www.how-to-meditate.org/.
5. Aromatherapy. Burning different scents stimulates different parts of the brain, creating different moods. Use jasmine to reduce stress and anxiety, sandalwood to brighten your mood, chamomile to help you sleep, and peppermint to wake you up.
6. Laugh it off. Sometimes that's all you can really do, and take it from girls who love to laugh, it really is the best medicine. It's physiologically impossible to feel upset when you're laughing so hard your stomach hurts since you're releasing mad endorphins, so hang out with your goofiest friends or rent a funny movie, and get to turning that frown upside down!
A few last things to think about:
- What you think about you bring about.
- To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
- When the door of opportunity closes climb through the window.
- Be kind, for everyone you meet is facing some type of battle.
- Attitudes are contagious- is yours worth catching?
- Smiling is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- Life gives us two cups- one to give and one to receive.
And with that being said, we leave you with this. Thanks for stopping by. Much more to come!
