Are you falling in love too fast?

by Anna Harris

I's no surprise that whirlwind romances — like Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom marrying after 30 days or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes going from dating to married to parents in under two years — get everyone gasping. After dating for just one month, Cruise declared his devotion to Holmes on Oprah. The Kardashian/Odom wedding was practically a blur, with many presuming it to be a publicity stunt. The two remain married and have yet to announce any baby plans.




Lightning-fast romance always gets everyone talking: Is it possible to really fall that fast? Can an intense love like that last? Everyone has an opinion, and the reason is probably because we’ve all been there at some point — that is, swept up in a relationship that’s moving so swiftly it’s making our heads spin.



Sure, falling hard and fast can be exhilarating, but it can also be a little scary. Should you barrel ahead, celebrating that you’ve found The One, or put the brakes on for fear that you’ll get your heart broken? We posed that very question to some leading relationship experts to see what’s the best way to proceed. Try their advice and you may be able to reap all the heady benefits of being head-over-heels without getting burned. Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!



Know the difference between a tide and an undertow

“I think people have to allow for a bit of a giddy whirlwind,” says Lynn Harris, relationship expert and author of He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not, who married her husband just a year after they met. “People who spend too much time analyzing what’s going on and playing it safe suck all the romance out of it.” Even so, there is a big difference between being swept up and feeling completely out of control. So ask yourself: If your new love interest asks you to do something you’re uncomfortable with — say, heading to a dicey-looking club on your second date — do you feel fine voicing your reservations, or do you sweep them under the rug to avoid ruining the moment? “If you feel like you have to act a certain way, then that’s a sign you’re not comfortable with this person. You're just comfortable with the idea of being in a whirlwind romance,” points out Harris. Bottom line, any long-term relationship needs your input, good and bad. More on how to do that next...



Slow things down without hurting anyone’s feelings

If you think things are rushing along too quickly, you owe it to the relationship to say so. However, avoid the usual lines like “I think we need to take things slower” or “I need some space” — these clichés will only set off alarm bells and make your amour think you’re trying to wiggle out of the relationship. Instead, be specific by explaining, “I’d love to see you this weekend, but a friend of mine is going through a rough time so I’m going to hang out with her” or “A work project is killing me and I’ll feel better if I hunker down and finish it so I can relax the next time we’re together.” If your date presses the issue, put his or her fears to rest by framing your time apart as a way to keep your relationship healthy for the long run. Say, “I’m really into you and I don’t want to mess this up by moving too fast.” To reassure your sweetie further, make a plan to see each other on a date you’ll be more available — that way your date’s not left hanging and wondering if the relationship’s on the rocks.




Don’t act on every impulse

Are you thinking of your sweetie and tempted to call to say so... for the fifth time that day? That’s sweet, but before you dial the digits, know this: not all impulses are meant to be acted upon. “People misinterpret feelings for phone calls. They don’t have to be one and the same,” says Harris. “Just sit back and enjoy the buzz. Enjoy the fact that you just hung up the phone and want to pick it up again. That’s awesome.” And enough already! This rule especially holds true for emailing and instant messaging — mediums that encourage you to reveal all sorts of personal info but that can easily breed a false sense of intimacy. So before hitting that “send” button, ask yourself: Would you feel comfortable coughing up this info in person? If not, save it for later.



Curb conversations about the future

So you’d love to take a romantic cruise to Alaska together this fall. Or you’ve always dreamt of having your wedding on the beach at sunset. Or you’re certain you want at least three kids, ideally five. Discussing your future dreams with your new flame may seem really romantic, but indulging in it too often can be a red flag. “This indicates that you’re more into the idea of being in a relationship than with the actual person in front of you,” points out Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words To Change Your Life. If your conversations tend to veer in that direction, consider an “activity date” like going to an art museum or taking a walk in the park which will force you to focus on things right in front of you — as well as each other.



Wait to say "I love you" (even if you think you do)

When you’re in a relationship that feels so right, it can be tempting to utter those three little worlds on the early side. Harris advises against it: “The first time you feel like saying it, count to 10, go home and say it to your cat,” she says. After all, your feelings could be due to the fact that you two just shared a really romantic evening together. There’s also the risk that the feelings might not be mutual yet. So before you take this step, ask yourself: Will you be able to accept if your date doesn’t say “I love you” back, or will you be crushed? If it’s the latter, then it’s probably best to hold off until more time has passed and you’re more confident about each other’s intentions.



If, on the other hand, you’re on the receiving end of an early “I love you,” don’t feel obliged to say it back if you’re not feeling it yet. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the overture or, worse yet, give them a lecture about how they couldn’t possibly feel that way so soon. “This person has just made him- or herself really vulnerable, so you want to be careful,” says Harris. Try, “I’m so touched you just said that, and I feel strongly for you. It’s hard for me to use that word right now but feel like I may be getting there, too.” Who knows; maybe you will sooner than you think!

7 Ways to Ruin Your Resume

by Hillary Chura


In the time it takes you to read this paragraph, the average recruiter will have plowed through six resumes. (We know; we timed one.) Want to increase the chances of your resume making it to the next round? Then don’t do any of these seven things, which recruiters say — more than anything — make them want to push the “shred” button.



(For more resume tips, check out our interactive critique of an actual resume.)



1. Apply for a job for which you are not remotely qualified

Many candidates believe the job hunt is a numbers game — drop enough resumes, and you’re bound to land something. But shotguns are for hunting pheasant, not finding jobs. The reality is that recruiters hate wasting time on resumes from unqualified candidates. Morgan Miller, an executive recruiter at StaffMark, recalls the security guard who applied to be a financial risk manager (maybe Lehman should have hired him), while Scott Ragusa at Winter, Wyman talks of the aerial photographer who sought out a position as a tax specialist.



“Sorting through unqualified resumes is frustrating, unproductive and puts an extra burden on staff,” says Katherine Swift, Senior Account Director at KCSA Strategic Communications in Natick, Mass. “It also makes it much more challenging to find the right candidate.” So the next time you’re thinking of blasting out resumes to all 60 of the job listings on Monster.com that have the word “finance” in them , save your time (and that of the recruiters) and only apply for ones for which you’re qualified.





2. Include a lofty mission statement

More than ever, today’s savage job market is about the company, not the candidate. As such, mission or objective statements — particularly ones with an applicant’s hopes, dreams, and health insurance aspirations — will dispatch otherwise fine resumes to the circular file. Employers don’t care about how they can solve your problems — certainly not before they’ve met you and possibly not even after they’ve hired you. Instead, write an “objectives” statement that explains specifically how your skills and experience will help the company you’re applying to, not the other way around. And be very clear about what kind of job you’re seeking.



3. Use one generic resume for every job listing

To stand out amongst the sea of resumes that recruiters receive, yours must speak to each and every specific position, even recycling some of the language from the job description itself. Make it obvious that you will start solving problems even before you’ve recorded your outgoing voicemail message. Your CV or query letter should include a just touch of industry lingo — sufficient to prove you know your stuff but not so much that you sound like a robot. And it should speak to individual company issues and industry challenges, with specifics on how you have personally improved customer loyalty, efficiency, and profitability at past jobs, says workplace and performance consultant Jay Forte. Plus, each morsel should be on point.



“Think hard about how to best leverage each piece of information to your job search advantage,” says Wendy Enelow, a career consultant and trainer in Virginia. “Nothing in your resume should be arbitrary, from what you include in your job descriptions and achievement statements, to whether your education or experience comes first [recent grads may want to put education first] to how you format your contact information.”



4. Make recruiters or hiring managers guess how exactly you can help their client

Sourcing experts want to know — immediately — what someone can offer, and they won’t spend time noodling someone’s credentials. “Animal, vegetable or mineral? Doctor, lawyer or Indian chief?That’s what I’m wondering every time I open a resume. If it takes me more than a split second to figure this out, I feel frustrated,” says Mary O’Gorman, a veteran recruiter based in Brooklyn.



5. Don’t explain how past experience translates to a new position

Though candidates should avoid jobs where they have no experience, they absolutely should pursue new areas and positions if they can position their experience effectively. A high school English teacher applying for new jobs, for example, can cite expertise in human resource management, people skills, record keeping, writing, and training, says Anthony Pensabene, a professional writer who works with executives.



“Titles are just semantics; candidates need to relate their ‘actual’ skills and experiences to the job they’re applying for in their resume,” Pensabene says. An applicant who cannot be bothered to identify the parallels between the two likely won’t be bothered with interviews, either.




6. Don’t include a cover letter with your resume

A cover letter should always accompany a resume — even if it’s going to your best friend. And that doesn’t mean a lazy “I’m _____ and I’m looking for a job in New York; please see my attached resume.” Says Lindsay Olson, a partner at Manhattan’s Paradigm Staffing: “I’d like to know why you are contacting me (a particular position, referral, etc.), a short background about yourself, and a career highlight or two. It’s important to attempt to set yourself apart from the competition.”



7. Be careless with details

Reckless job hunters rarely make for conscientious workers. As such, even promising resumes must abide by age-old dictums: typo-free, proper organization, and no embellishment. Susan Whitcomb, author of Resume Magic: Trade Secrets of a Professional Resume Writer, says that almost 80 percent of HR managers she surveyed said they would dismiss otherwise qualified candidates who break these rules. She tells the story of one would-be employer who, when looking for an assistant, decided not to hire anyone because every resume she received contained typos.



“With a 6-to-1 ratio of jobseekers-to-jobs in the current marketplace, you can’t afford to make mistakes with your resume,” Whitcomb says.

10 Things That Are Ruining Your Skin

by Liz Brody, Shine Staff



"As the crow flies" is usually welcome news. Except when those avian feet head straight for your face and leave their telltale tracks around the eyes. But if aging is inevitable, its pace definitely isn't. As for breakouts, dryness, and general epidermal malaise? Here's what's wrecking your skin—and how to turn it around:



1. The Kate Gosselin Effect. We're talking about overexposure—solar, in this case.(If we'd called this one "Sun," your eyes might have glazed.) From wrinkles to cancer, photoaging is "the single biggest cause of damage to the skin," declares Skin Care & Repair, a new report from Harvard Medical School.



Skin Fix: You know the drill—sunscreen that's least SPF 30 and protects against both UVA and UVB rays. (Men, don't forget behind the ears and neck). Consumer Reports' top-rated product this year is Up & Up Sport Continuous SPF 30 from Target. Most dermatologists aren't concerned about retinyl palmitate, which controversial research suggests may actually cause cancer, but if you are, Alba Botanica Mineral Sunscreen SPF 30 doesn't contain the ingredient (see Environmental Working Group for others.) You can also wash your clothes with SunGuard for an extra SPF kicker.



2. Worrying About It: Stress wages chemical warfare: Pro-inflammatory neuropeptides make the skin more reactive (worsening acne and psoriasis, for example), while hormones like adrenaline constrict your blood vessels, depriving the tissue of nutrients, explains Rick Fried, MD, PhD, a dermatologist, psychologist, and clinical director of Yardley Dermatology Associates in Pennsylvania. "Long-term stress," he says, "can cause the production of cortisol, which potentially leads to thinning of the skin."



Skin Fix: Guided imagery, mindfulness meditation, hypnosis, biofeedback, exercise, yoga, and tai chi are all good ways to manage stress and help improve your complexion, says Fried.





3. Being Picky: Squeezing pimples and picking blemishes are not winning strategies for anyone. "But this is the top wrecker for brown skin," says Susan Taylor, MD, director of the Skin of Color Center at St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital Center. "Just about any manipulation—especially if the skin is already inflamed—will result in hyperpigmentation (discoloration), which can last months to years and is very difficult to treat."



Skin Fix: If your skin is inflamed, see a dermatologist ASAP. A steriod injection, for example, can make the problem go away quickly without leaving marks.





4. Cheating Sleep: A candle may be a girl's best friend (what lighting is more flattering?) but don't burn it at both ends. "Stress hormones are at their lowest during sleep, while the anti-inflammatory molecules are at their highest," says New York dermatologist and psychiatrist Amy Wechsler, MD, author of The Mind-Beauty Connection. "So the less you sleep, the worse for your skin."



Skin Fix: "The studies say you should get 8 hours, but it's hard," Wechsler notes. "Start by adding 30 minutes, and see if you can tell the difference."



5. Drying Out: Alcohol, cold weather, washing diligently in hot water—they can all dehydrate the skin.



Skin Fix: Jenny Kim, MD, PhD, associate professor of medicine and dermatology at ULCA's David Geffen School of Medicine, recommends using moisturizers with ceramides, but says any will do. Based on her own research which was published last year, she says, "There's no evidence that taking vitamins A and C orally will improve the skin, but in topical creams they seem to be anti-aging." The operative word, she stresses, is "seem." More research is needed. In the meantime, she says, "stick to companies that have tested their products and will show you the data."





6. Lip Balm: "Ironically, many lip balms contain phenol, which dries out your lips like nothing else," says Wechsler. "It feels good when you put it on, but soon you need more."



Skin Fix. Read the ingredient list. Carmex has phenol; Burt's Bees doesn't.





7. Tattoo Remorse: Studies suggest that about 20 percent of inked clients are unhappy with their tattoos. For those who decide to get them removed, the process is lengthy, costly, and very painful—a nightmare, says Wechsler, and the skin never really looks the same.



Skin Fix: There's a new encapsulated ink called Freedom2 that can be removed in one or two treatments as opposed to 8 or 10—much less traumatic to the skin.



8. Tanning Salons: You might as well call them "cancer booths." A University of Minnesota study published in May found that people who logged 50 hours or more in tanning booths, had up to three times the odds of developing melanoma, the deadly form of skin cancer.



Skin Fix: Get your bronze glow from self tanners—spray, lotion, gel, or wipes.





9. Combo-Creaming: A common mistake among the acne-prone is thinking: The more creams, the better. "People use 3 or 4 products at a time, and end up just drying their skin out," says Wechsler. "And that just makes them break out worse."



Skin Fix: If you can't find one over-the-counter product that works, see a professional. "Acne is not just from the oils. It's also from irritation and inflammation," Wechsler says.





10. Cigarettes: Aside from lung cancer, they cause wrinkles and are clearly associated with destroying skin elasticity. "Damage," says the Harvard report, "occurs with every cigarette smoked."



Skin Fix: There are all kinds of aids to help you quit—support groups, nicotine-replacement products, and drugs like Zyban and Chantix.





At the end of the day? Ask someone whose career depends on keeping her complexion stunningly pristine: "I'm not an expert," says 36-year-old model Kate Dillon (featured in the April issue of Vogue), "but I think you can enhance the vibrancy of your skin by drinking water, eating avocados and salmon with omega-3s, and being active." She stops for a moment, and laughs. "Good genes and a forgiving light, help too."