When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear paranoid. You have to walk a fine line, as you don't want to make false accusations. It can be hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but bottom line, you must protect yourself. Pay attention to the signs as well as the state of your own mental and emotional well-being within the relationship. Some fairly obvious red flags may signal that your significant other has a little something on the side.
Here's how you can tell:
1. Less sex/affection. Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction — even if he's not cheating — a decrease in sex can signal serious issues in the relationship.
2. Jumpy about his cell phone. In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. However, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, he may have something to hide.
3. Gushing or talking about somebody suddenly. You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about them. You constantly find ways to bring them up in conversation. If he constantly does this about another woman- even if it's just to gush about his new secretary's amazing photo copying skills- be wary.
4. Disconnect. Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's pulling away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnect should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating or not. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.
5. He's pulling Houdinis. If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.
6. His friends are acting strange. His friends will more often than not cover for him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly to display discomfort when they are around you while protecting his secret.
7. Caught in lies about other things. If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.
8. Been there, done that. Many people say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you: Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If a guy is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give him a chance — but make it a long probationary period in which he must prove himself to you before you let your guard down.
9. Your gut tells you so. Don't blow off your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that feeling is right, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.
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