How to tell you're dating a jerk

Just one of these signs should be reason enough to run for the hills, but here's an entire checklist of 20 clues to help you determine whether you're dating a narcissistic douche bag.


                        Here's how you can tell:


1. He can't take a joke.
2. He gives you verbal resume on the first date.
3. He begins 75 percent of sentences with "I."
4. He tells you about all the girls who hit on him. Even the ones who looked at him and thus OBVIOUSLY wanted to hit on him.
5. He gets annoyed if you text him while he's busy at work, but has no problem bugging you all day when things are "slow" for him.
6. He tell you about mundane details of his day as though he expects you to find them to be the most fascinating thing ever.
7. He complains about how uncomfortable HE is because it's too hot/cold/crowded, when clearly everyone involved in the situation is just as uncomfortable.
8. He's an advocate of unprotected sex because his penis is "too big" for condoms.
9. He zones out when you talk to him because he can't be bothered to focus on anything other than himself for more than 30 seconds at a time.
10. He fixates on how he's perceived by your friends & family, such as whether they like him, what they say about him, etc.
11. He obsesses over decisions related to his appearance, such as how many centimeters of his hair he should cut.
12. He couches every apology for wrongdoing in a subtle justification or excuse for his behavior, i.e. "I'm sorry I walked out on you at dinner last night, but you were just eating like such a pig."
13. Speaking of restaurants, he really doesn't think waiting for a table at a restaurant is something someone like HIM should have to do.
14. He refers to himself in the third person.
15. He updates his Facebook status multiple times a day.
16. He really wants to be famous. For something. He's just not sure what.
17. He's concerned about how your bold fashion statement will reflect on him when he's out in public with you.
18. He constantly fishes for compliments yet you can't seem to remember the last time he gave you one.
19. He's too busy to help you move but still wants you to come to his basketball game.
20. He tells you no one will ever love you like he does. HA! Let's hope not...