Are you falling in love too fast?

by Anna Harris

I's no surprise that whirlwind romances — like Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom marrying after 30 days or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes going from dating to married to parents in under two years — get everyone gasping. After dating for just one month, Cruise declared his devotion to Holmes on Oprah. The Kardashian/Odom wedding was practically a blur, with many presuming it to be a publicity stunt. The two remain married and have yet to announce any baby plans.




Lightning-fast romance always gets everyone talking: Is it possible to really fall that fast? Can an intense love like that last? Everyone has an opinion, and the reason is probably because we’ve all been there at some point — that is, swept up in a relationship that’s moving so swiftly it’s making our heads spin.



Sure, falling hard and fast can be exhilarating, but it can also be a little scary. Should you barrel ahead, celebrating that you’ve found The One, or put the brakes on for fear that you’ll get your heart broken? We posed that very question to some leading relationship experts to see what’s the best way to proceed. Try their advice and you may be able to reap all the heady benefits of being head-over-heels without getting burned. Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!



Know the difference between a tide and an undertow

“I think people have to allow for a bit of a giddy whirlwind,” says Lynn Harris, relationship expert and author of He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not, who married her husband just a year after they met. “People who spend too much time analyzing what’s going on and playing it safe suck all the romance out of it.” Even so, there is a big difference between being swept up and feeling completely out of control. So ask yourself: If your new love interest asks you to do something you’re uncomfortable with — say, heading to a dicey-looking club on your second date — do you feel fine voicing your reservations, or do you sweep them under the rug to avoid ruining the moment? “If you feel like you have to act a certain way, then that’s a sign you’re not comfortable with this person. You're just comfortable with the idea of being in a whirlwind romance,” points out Harris. Bottom line, any long-term relationship needs your input, good and bad. More on how to do that next...



Slow things down without hurting anyone’s feelings

If you think things are rushing along too quickly, you owe it to the relationship to say so. However, avoid the usual lines like “I think we need to take things slower” or “I need some space” — these clichés will only set off alarm bells and make your amour think you’re trying to wiggle out of the relationship. Instead, be specific by explaining, “I’d love to see you this weekend, but a friend of mine is going through a rough time so I’m going to hang out with her” or “A work project is killing me and I’ll feel better if I hunker down and finish it so I can relax the next time we’re together.” If your date presses the issue, put his or her fears to rest by framing your time apart as a way to keep your relationship healthy for the long run. Say, “I’m really into you and I don’t want to mess this up by moving too fast.” To reassure your sweetie further, make a plan to see each other on a date you’ll be more available — that way your date’s not left hanging and wondering if the relationship’s on the rocks.




Don’t act on every impulse

Are you thinking of your sweetie and tempted to call to say so... for the fifth time that day? That’s sweet, but before you dial the digits, know this: not all impulses are meant to be acted upon. “People misinterpret feelings for phone calls. They don’t have to be one and the same,” says Harris. “Just sit back and enjoy the buzz. Enjoy the fact that you just hung up the phone and want to pick it up again. That’s awesome.” And enough already! This rule especially holds true for emailing and instant messaging — mediums that encourage you to reveal all sorts of personal info but that can easily breed a false sense of intimacy. So before hitting that “send” button, ask yourself: Would you feel comfortable coughing up this info in person? If not, save it for later.



Curb conversations about the future

So you’d love to take a romantic cruise to Alaska together this fall. Or you’ve always dreamt of having your wedding on the beach at sunset. Or you’re certain you want at least three kids, ideally five. Discussing your future dreams with your new flame may seem really romantic, but indulging in it too often can be a red flag. “This indicates that you’re more into the idea of being in a relationship than with the actual person in front of you,” points out Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words To Change Your Life. If your conversations tend to veer in that direction, consider an “activity date” like going to an art museum or taking a walk in the park which will force you to focus on things right in front of you — as well as each other.



Wait to say "I love you" (even if you think you do)

When you’re in a relationship that feels so right, it can be tempting to utter those three little worlds on the early side. Harris advises against it: “The first time you feel like saying it, count to 10, go home and say it to your cat,” she says. After all, your feelings could be due to the fact that you two just shared a really romantic evening together. There’s also the risk that the feelings might not be mutual yet. So before you take this step, ask yourself: Will you be able to accept if your date doesn’t say “I love you” back, or will you be crushed? If it’s the latter, then it’s probably best to hold off until more time has passed and you’re more confident about each other’s intentions.



If, on the other hand, you’re on the receiving end of an early “I love you,” don’t feel obliged to say it back if you’re not feeling it yet. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the overture or, worse yet, give them a lecture about how they couldn’t possibly feel that way so soon. “This person has just made him- or herself really vulnerable, so you want to be careful,” says Harris. Try, “I’m so touched you just said that, and I feel strongly for you. It’s hard for me to use that word right now but feel like I may be getting there, too.” Who knows; maybe you will sooner than you think!

How to Prevent Love Chub

By Jill Waldbieser for Women's Health Magazine


Falling in love can make you feel all soft and gooey inside. Unfortunately, it can have the same effect on your outside. Skip a workout here, order some greasy takeout there, and before you know it, you have more than just butterflies in your stomach—you've got a full-on jelly roll hanging over your waistband. Or as Lauren Conrad, former star of The Hills, put it: You've acquired the dreaded "boyfriend layer."




"When we get comfortable in a relationship, we establish new habits together that aren't always the best for our weight," says Amy Gorin, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut. WH has identified five of the behaviors that can lead to a serious case of love chub. But don't worry—we've also included easy fixes.



YOU EAT OUT... ALL THE TIME



When you're single, you tend to prepare healthy foods at home. But once you're in a relationship, it's decadent dinner dates followed by caloric brunches. "Couples bond over food, and enjoying it becomes a special ritual in their relationship," says nutritionist Christine Avanti, author of Skinny Chicks Don't Eat Salads. That's bad news for your waistline: A Men's Health analysis of 24 national chains revealed that the average entree at a sit-down restaurant contains 867 calories. And that doesn't include apps, sides, and dessert.



Too much eating out? Are your friends a fat influence?



THE FIX: EAT IN. "Cooking together can be intimate," says Elizabeth Ward, R.D., a nutritionist in Boston. "Food is very sensual, especially when you take turns tasting it." Plus, of course, you can control the fat and calories by using healthy recipes and ingredients that are low in fat. When you do dine out, eat a healthy snack that contains protein and fiber a few hours before your meal. "Women often skimp all day when they're going out at night," Ward says. "But that leaves them so hungry that they end up overdoing it." Nonfat yogurt and a piece of fruit or a small bowl of cereal with lowfat milk are smart choices.



YOU'RE ALWAYS IN BED



Or on the couch. Or anywhere but the gym. A study last year in the journal Obesity found that couples who live together for two or more years are less likely to be physically active, and the women are more likely to become obese. "As positive as relationships can be, they also change your routine," says Martin Binks, Ph.D., director of Binks Behavioral Health. "You schedule more couple's events and have less time to yourself." Drinks with your new guy... or a date with the old treadmill? It's not exactly a tough choice.



Try the Better Sex Diet.



THE FIX: GET HIM INVOLVED. A study in the Archives of Internal Medicine found that women who exercised with a partner lost more weight than those who sweated solo. "When people do something together, they're more likely to stick with it," explains Karen Miller-Kovach, R.D., author of He Loses, She Loses. So sign up together for a 5-K, go for a bike ride instead of watching a movie, or join the same gym. When you don't feel like going, he'll drag you there, and you'll do the same for him.



YOU MATCH HIM BITE FOR BITE



It's tough to stick to petite portions when your dining companion downs 500 to 1,500 more calories a day than you do. "Women develop 'portion distortion,' " Ward says. "You don't recognize a normal-size serving anymore because you're always eating with a guy who consumes huge platefuls of food." He might be able to get away with it (guys have more muscle mass, so they require more calories), but shoveling in all those extra forkfuls will eventually catch up with you.



THE FIX: SERVE YOURSELF LESS. Eat about three-quarters of what he'seating. Sorry, but women burn 26 percent fewer calories than men do, soat that rate you'll just about break even, says clinical psychologistSusan Albers, Psy.D., author of 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food.



37 Yummy protein-packed meals for more weight loss.



HIS SNACKS ARE YOUR SNACKS You might not buy chips for yourself, but when he leaves the bag out on the coffee table, you need supreme willpower to ignore it. A study from Newcastle University's Human Nutrition Research Centre found that women were more likely to adopt their partner's eating habits than vice versa. "It's one way women connect with men," says Stacy Kaiser, a licensed psychotherapist based in Southern California.



THE FIX: KNOW YOUR OPTIONS. You have two diet-friendly choices: Serve yourself a small amount of his snack and put it on a plate (dipping your hand into the bag over and over again leads to diet disaster), or do what Ward suggests and have a portion-controlled, lower-calorie alternative on hand to munch while he takes down that bag of chips or pint of ice cream. Popchips (120 calories per serving, with just three servings in a big bag!) can satisfy your salt craving, while hockey-puck-size Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches (140 calories) fill in nicely for fattening frozen treats. And they're so good, who knows, you may even convert him.



YOU'RE HAPPY



Research shows that what's good for your heart may be bad for your hips. A study published last year in the journal BioPsychoSocial Medicine found that happy people were less likely to succeed at losing weight than those with a "slightly negative and cautious outlook."



THE FIX: WEIGH IN OFTEN. It's great to accept your body and not obsess over every last calorie, but it's hard to feel good about yourself when none of your pants fit. To prevent your eating habits from spiraling out of control, Miller-Kovach recommends regular weigh-ins. "Studies have shown that once you pass the five-pound mark, weight gain can take off like a runaway train," she says. Seeing the scale creep toward that mark can be a call to action. Still need convincing? Women in a Duke University study who lost as little as 10 percent of their body weight reported dramatic improvements in the bedroom. "Research shows that people who are more active and happier with their bodies have more satisfying sex lives," Ward says. If that's not motivation, we don't know what is.

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Girls Make

by Brenda Della Casa for Glamour Magazine      

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available 

We’re not suggesting you play games (ok maybe we are a little), but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.

Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy

Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.

Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection

Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number

Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship

One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One

“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.

Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners

We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again."

Be smart and always protect your hearts, you smarty pants doll you!

How to tell if a guy is into you: the nonverbal edition

Dolls, you may THINK a person (and especially a guy) is able to mask their feelings by keeping their words & how they say them under control, however, as hard as we all may try, our bodies do not lie! According to a UCLA medical study, a whopping 93% of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues! That means only 7% of communication is actually what we say, and the rest is left up to body language. So no matter how hard a guy TRIES to play off his feelings for you, check for these signs that indicate he's actually way sprung:

1. He tilts his head slightly to one side. This is a sub-conscious come hither signal showing vulnerability & hopefully make himself more approachable.

2. He positions his chest towards you. Whatever a guy aims his upper body at is the most important thing in the room to him, even if he is looking in a different direction. 

3. He lifts his eyebrows. When a guys sees a girl he finds attractive, he'll automatically lift his eyebrows, causing the center of his forehead to slightly wrinkle in the process.

4. He stands with his legs apart and pelvis facing towards you- it's a biological stance that most guys don't even realize they're doing. 

5. He slouches his shoulders. When a guy finds a girl's actions to be adorable, he gets the urge to hold her, causing his shoulders to automatically hunch.

6. He kisses you softly on the cheek or forehead. A kiss on the cheek shows he is genuinely sweet and wants to take care of you. A kiss on the forehead indicates utmost respect.

7. He has a big goofy grin around you. This is a spontaneous, unable-to-be- contained, head-over-heels smile that indicates he's toast.

9. He extends his palm- he's literally and figuratively reaching out to the person he's speaking to as an invitation to connect on a deeper level. Studies show that people almost always respond to an open palm, as it symbolizes deep trust and commitment.

10. He walks in sync with your stride- not slightly ahead or behind. This gesture is a way of showing that he respects you and wants to face the world as a united, trusting pair.

11. He cups your face in his hands. It's an almost innate gesture for a guy that he often doesn't even think about doing, which signals that he is absolutely crazy about you. 

12. He sweeps a strand of hair out of your face while talking to you. This is another example of a very sweet and caring gesture, which shows that he wants to take care of you and wants you to trust him.

15. He watches you walk away. It means he misses you the instant you leave and wants to catch one last glimpse for as long as possible.

16. He mirrors your movements. In other words, you're at a restaurant and when you pick up the glass to take a drink, he does the same. This is an innate biological gesture that most people don't even realize they're doing. It symbolizes wanting to be in sync and in unison with the object of your affection. 

17. He bear hugs you good-bye. He is overcome with his feelings towards you yet can't express it how he'd truly like to, resulting in an all-encompassing, firm embrace.

18. You catch him stealing glimpses of you then quickly looking away, showing he feels embarrassed and self conscious about getting caught in the act- not something a truly platonic friend would even care about.

How to tell if a guy is cheating

When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear paranoid. You have to walk a fine line, as you don't want to make false accusations. It can be hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but bottom line, you must protect yourself. Pay attention to the signs as well as the state of your own mental and emotional well-being within the relationship. Some fairly obvious red flags may signal that your significant other has a little something on the side.                
                  
                   
                       Here's how you can tell:



1. Less sex/affection. Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction — even if he's not cheating — a decrease in sex can signal serious issues in the relationship.

2. Jumpy about his cell phone. In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. However, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, he may have something to hide.

3. Gushing or talking about somebody suddenly. You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about them. You constantly find ways to bring them up in conversation. If he constantly does this about another woman- even if it's just to gush about his new secretary's amazing photo copying skills- be wary.

4. Disconnect.  Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's pulling away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnect should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating or not. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.

5. He's pulling Houdinis. If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret. 

6. His friends are acting strange. His friends will more often than not cover for him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly to display discomfort when they are around you while protecting his secret. 

7. Caught in lies about other things. If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.

8. Been there, done that. Many people say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."  If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you: Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If a guy is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give him a chance — but make it a long probationary period in which he must prove himself to you before you let your guard down.

9. Your gut tells you so. Don't blow off your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that feeling is right, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.

How to tell you're dating a jerk

Just one of these signs should be reason enough to run for the hills, but here's an entire checklist of 20 clues to help you determine whether you're dating a narcissistic douche bag.


                        Here's how you can tell:


1. He can't take a joke.
2. He gives you verbal resume on the first date.
3. He begins 75 percent of sentences with "I."
4. He tells you about all the girls who hit on him. Even the ones who looked at him and thus OBVIOUSLY wanted to hit on him.
5. He gets annoyed if you text him while he's busy at work, but has no problem bugging you all day when things are "slow" for him.
6. He tell you about mundane details of his day as though he expects you to find them to be the most fascinating thing ever.
7. He complains about how uncomfortable HE is because it's too hot/cold/crowded, when clearly everyone involved in the situation is just as uncomfortable.
8. He's an advocate of unprotected sex because his penis is "too big" for condoms.
9. He zones out when you talk to him because he can't be bothered to focus on anything other than himself for more than 30 seconds at a time.
10. He fixates on how he's perceived by your friends & family, such as whether they like him, what they say about him, etc.
11. He obsesses over decisions related to his appearance, such as how many centimeters of his hair he should cut.
12. He couches every apology for wrongdoing in a subtle justification or excuse for his behavior, i.e. "I'm sorry I walked out on you at dinner last night, but you were just eating like such a pig."
13. Speaking of restaurants, he really doesn't think waiting for a table at a restaurant is something someone like HIM should have to do.
14. He refers to himself in the third person.
15. He updates his Facebook status multiple times a day.
16. He really wants to be famous. For something. He's just not sure what.
17. He's concerned about how your bold fashion statement will reflect on him when he's out in public with you.
18. He constantly fishes for compliments yet you can't seem to remember the last time he gave you one.
19. He's too busy to help you move but still wants you to come to his basketball game.
20. He tells you no one will ever love you like he does. HA! Let's hope not...

How to tell your boyfriend isn't over his ex

     You're head over heels for your new boyfriend who seems perfect in every way except for one thing: You can't seem to shake the hunch that he isn't totally over his ex. Sometimes you wonder if it's all in your head and is simply a matter of your own jealousies and insecurities coming into play. And yet there are times in which you suspect there may be a method to your madness. Rather than push these doubts to the farthest corner of your mind, it may be a good idea to pay closer attention to your guy's actions to determine whether or not your suspicions have any foundation- and decide whether you should continue on in the relationship or run for the hills. How can you tell if your boyfriend is still pining for his ex?


                                                 Here's how:


1. He wasted no time in jumping into another relationship- with you. Rebound much? Everybody needs time to heal after a long, intense relationship, and immediately starting a new one with someone else may just be a sign that he's doing all that he can to forget his ex before he's actually moved on.


2. He constantly brings her up in conversation. Even if it is just to rag on her or talk about how awful their relationship was, it shows that she is still fresh in his mind. If he were truly over her, he wouldn't feel the need to talk about her at all, good or bad.

3. He compares her to you. Once again, even if you come out on top of these comparisons, they are simply not fair and show that he is still constantly thinking about her and perhaps trying to convince himself that you are just sooo much better than her-which we know you are! ;)

4. He continues to hang out with her.  He may pull out the "we're just really good friends after just having broken up a month ago" card, and of course, you don't want to be that girlfriend who looks insecure by constantly complaining about it and creating all sorts of rules and restrictions for your man, but if you don't say how you truly feel and allow him to continue to do what he wants, you will be doing yourself a major disservice. Let him know you don't think it's appropriate for him to be constantly hanging out with her when he's got you. If he gets defensive about it, then he's definitely not over her.

5. He constantly calls her. While it may not be as bad as hanging out with her, one typically leads to the other. Once again, this is time he should be spending chatting on the phone with you. Find out what the deal is before they start having "strictly platonic" sleepovers.

6. He accidentally calls you by her name. We can let it slide once, especially if his relationship with you is still fresh. However, if it happens frequently, and he doesn't apologize profusely, don't let him off the hook so easily, as it's not exactly the best way to kick off a new relationship.

7. He brings you to places that remind him of her. If you thought that bench in the park with the AK + BV FOREVER engraved on it was your guys' new special spot, think again. Ask him why he keeps taking you back to the same places. If he keeps on frequenting places where he used to take his ex, he is either extremely unoriginal, or he may be reliving fond memories- that don't involve you.

8. He's annoyed she's dating someone new. He finds out his ex is with someone new and expresses immense discontent and disgust about it, disregarding the fact that hello, he's in a relationship, too-and with you! If he has truly moved on, the feller should care less about what she's up to- especially when he's got you to drool over!

9. He keeps pictures of her. While we understand that a guy isn't going to automatically incinerate all pictures of his ex acquired during the course of their three year relationship the minute they break up, it is not only inconsiderate but also a tell-tale sign of his ongoing infatuation with her to keep photos of her lying around when he has begun a new relationship with you. It is permissible to keep old photos and keepsakes in a box that is stored far far away; however, if naked pictures of her pop up on his phone, RUN!

How to tell if a guy is into you

    (Joseph Gordon- Levitt & Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer) 

     He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me....he loves me!  If you are anything like me, you've, ahem, found yourself forced to cheat from time to time on this little flower petal game by perhaps skipping over a few or pulling off two at a time in order to achieve your desired outcome.

     Juvenile flower petal game or not, I think it's safe to say we've all experienced some level of angst wondering about whether the object of our affection feels the same way we do as we lie awake at night staring up at the ceiling and turning the thought of his dimpled smile or the way he totally texted us to ask for someone else's number over and over in our minds...What could it mean? Surely he could have asked someone else for Brenda's number instead? Surely he must have done it simply as an excuse to talk to me? Yep, the verdict is clear: We are in love!!!

     So then two weeks later when you hook up with him to consummate your eternal love then never hear from him again because he's hitting up Brenda, don't say we didn't warn you...

     Girls, the harsh reality is the following: If he calls you late at night to 'hang out,' that generally means he is in love with your ass, not you, and will only remain in love with your ass until that moment in time when you give it up to him...It sucks, we know, we just want to protect you from evil boys using and abusing you; and let's face it, all guys really seem to want at this stage in the game is to use and abuse.

     However, that's not at all to say that there aren't a few sweethearts out there (somewhere?) that make it all worth the effort. The fundamental question that remains then is how do we go about differentiating between your average douche bag and a genuine gentleman that actually is worth the effort?

     The good news is that a few subtle yet surefire giveaways exist that trump all sweet talk and corny one-liners commonly used to try to coax us into the sack that not even the best player can conceal, letting you know he is genuinely that into you. How can you tell?  

                                                Here's how:


1.. He texts or calls you back within seconds of you contacting him, which also generally indicates that he was anticipating your call like a puppy waiting for a bone.
2. He pays when you go out even if he's broke and gets upset if you offer to pay.
3. He pretends he's not cold so he can give you his jacket when you're cold (and still forces you to wear it even after you say no).
4. He introduces you to his friends and isn't afraid to be affectionate with you in front of them.
5. He sets his facebook default pic to one of both of you.
6. He treats you like a lady by opening doors or walking on the outside of the sidewalk, proving that chivalry is not dead- Yay!
7. He's willing to make an ass of himself-You love to dance, he hates it and has zero rhythm yet takes you out salsa dancing anyway, knowing full well there's a good chance you might not like him after you've seen him look like a complete idiot.
8. He indulges you. He goes out of his way to bring you Starbucks every morning- and you didn't even ask!
9. When you are out together, he is totally focused on you, not scoping out the girl at the next table, the waitress, the bus boy...
10. When you talk he looks at your face, not your chest- even if you are wearing something semi-revealing.
11. He remembers even the random things you say in conversation and brings them up later.
12. He understands your mannerisms and nuances so well that he can determine what you're feeling before you've even said a word and goes out of his way to cheer you up when he knows you're having a bad day.
13. He laughs a lot at the things you do and say, but always in a I'm-laughing-because-I-think-you're-so-cute kind of way, not a wow-that-was-dumb kind of way.
14. He calls you beautiful, pretty or cute; not hot or sexy.
15. He likes you au'naturale. He finds you just as attractive when you're lounging around in sweats and a t-shirt with no make-up on as when you're all dolled up.
16. He appreciates your dorky side. Not only does he find your love for Twilight or your coke bottle glasses among your many other quirks cute, but they're what he likes most about you.
17. He believes in your dreams and fully supports them, no matter how random: "Baby, I want to be an astronaut..."
18. He takes one for the team by suffering through watching Grey's with you or shopping for your grandma with you for five hours when the Lakers game is on.
19. He comes through. He calls when he says he'll call and shows up when he says he will, showing you that he is dependable and doesn't plan on bailing anytime soon.
20. He does it himself. Rather than buying you a pre-made, insufferably cheesy hallmark card, he makes one for you, writes you a poem, or plays "In Your Eyes" while holding up a boombox outside your window...It could happen...right?